Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Nothing Glamorous About This

The website, which is a blog, found at http://livejournal.com/community/thinspiring/1277779.html claims to be pro-ana. The girl is anorexic and obviously not very close to recovery, but the first entry I read was absolutely miserable. Some of these sites, contrary to the sarcastic nature of my writing, do remind me of the empowering feelings that anorexia gives you. Sometimes you feel immortal, like "Ha! I don't need food to live!" Most of the time, though, you feel inhuman in a negative way ("Why can't I just live my life without thinking about food and worrying about gaining weight every five seconds!?"). This site did a great job of bringing me back to this place.

She is writing on a day where her friends take her out to eat, because they are worried about her. She 'splurges' on some soup and toast with jam. This would be a small meal for most people, but it makes her stomach hurt. The entry starts, "i've been on the toilet all day." I remember that feeling from taking handfuls of laxitives after 'binging' on a normal sized meal.

A lot of these pro-ana sites make anorexia seem glamorous, and the first thing I could think when I read this was, "Where's the glamour in this- shitting all day!?"

I remember one day after have a turkey sandwich with my mom when I was anorexic, I complained all day about my stomach hurting, because it did! She was like, yeah right, Lauren, shut up. You just ate a sandwich for christ's sake. I could see people reading about the girl eating soup and toast thinking, "how does that cause so much pain?" Her friends were probably like, "what's the big deal, you barely ate a meal?" People don't realize when a person has starved themself for months, any more than just a tiny amount of food can be really painful. I think one reason that it is so difficult for anorexic people to get better is that others are so insensitive to the problem, because they don't understand it.

My family and friends used to want to just shove food down my face. They didn't realize that not eating is only part of the problem. The rest of it is mental. Eating a bunch at once for a sick anorexic will only make them feel worse physically and mentally. You gotta start slow.

1 Comments:

Blogger Tiny said...

Anorexia it's an illness. Anorexia it's a not lifestyle, it 's not music, it 's a not fashion:(

September 18, 2010 at 6:42 AM  

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